I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
