LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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