she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize