dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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