Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
