Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
