he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
