I just made out with a guy for $7.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
