if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
