I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
