that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
