I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Randomize
