stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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