It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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