Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
