I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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