Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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