I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
