Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
