can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
