The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
