Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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