i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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