you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
