batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's no shave November. This is our time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
