Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
