Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
