You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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