For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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