There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
