You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
