bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
