how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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