Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
