It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
