I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize