she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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