I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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