yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
