So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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