hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
