FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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