I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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