no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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