Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
