I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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