mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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