I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
