Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
