Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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