Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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