Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
