the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
