Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
