I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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