I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
