Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
