Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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