He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
