Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
