Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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