I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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