I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
