Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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